Love Without Fear

Love is something that is contemplated, dissected, longed for, and feared by people everyday. Four letters arranged in a simple pattern create a word that has captivated the world’s attention since the beginning of time. Yet still not a single person can tell the true definition of love. No one can explain how it happens, why it happens, why it ends, why there are so many sides and colors of love, and why everyone craves for it. There is no lack of theories wafting through the minds of us all by means of infectious thoughts fueled by romances, movies, and the internet. Someone can devote their entire existence to this one concept, this four letter word, and still never fully comprehend it. But my issue is one that thousands face everyday for a variety of reasons: the fear of love.
I’ve been a person scared of love. Not only because it was so lacking in my childhood, but because the relationships I’d built later in life to compensate had ripped me apart in their dismantling causing my heart to turn callous and for me to cringe at the mere mention of the word. It even reached the point I’d banned it from my vocabulary receding within myself when anyone would point the word in my direction and chastising those who used it as if its meaning held no depth. To me love is something to be shared with someone special, to be cherished and constantly renewed. To this day that outlook has not changed, but rather expanded to a comprehension and exploration of the varying sides of love.
While talking to a friend tonight I had an epiphany about the way I react and communicate love to those around me. I asked her a simple question that opened up my eyes to something I had never examined before: Why not? Before I would simply give excuses of all the ways love had hurt me and stripped me of my ability to love, but excuses are just that; excuses. In asking her why not, I was also internally asking myself. And my answer was one that surprised me. It wasn’t the usual, “I loved him and he did this so I can’t love now because I don’t want to go through that again.” but instead it was something deeper. I told myself, “Why not?” Stripped of all my excuses, left to answer to my conscience I was encountered with the reality that there is no reason not to love.
Granted you are stepping out on a very short ledge with both feet when you dare to let your guards down long enough to take a chance on love, but if you have the chance to love and be loved, even if for a little while, why not? Yes, it may end in pain, but I can tell you that loving each person who has entered and then proceeded to leave my life has taught me lessons and given me memories that I’m happy to have in the recesses of my mind. I have been a victim of unrequited love, but am I really a victim when I can say that at least I was brave enough to love in the first place, and strong enough to maintain that love even when it wasn’t returned. Isn’t that what love is in the end? Self sacrifice?
Or perhaps you don’t want to fall in love; then love a friend by doing them a favor without expecting it to be returned. Love a stranger at a gas station by holding the door open for them. Love someone having a bad day by offering a smile. Love someone struggling by lending an ear.
I want to encourage you to take a leap of faith and to love, regardless of the consequences.

I am young, single, never been married, and am not expecting it in the immediate future but I have a prayer even now that when my time comes I won’t hide behind my walls of self-preservation and I fully embrace falling in love and continue to fall in love with that person year after year. I pray that I find new things to fall in love with each passing year and that when life gets hard, when love get hard, those things are what I hold onto the get me through it. That love, that renewal, a fuel that continues to burn under my relationship to keep it from falling into just another statistic, and I maintain faith.

God has given us a magnificent gift through the act of love. God communicates love to us each and everyday, so why then are we so shy to distribute it back to the people we come in contact with? Are we so greedy for this one thing that we soak up every ounce we are lucky to receive and hold it deep within us as to keep ourselves feeling loved? What about those who feel no love, who ignore the love of God and go through life feeling unloved and ultimately unlovable? You don’t have to devote your life to someone to love them; you simple have to take a step of kindness and humility. God gives us this gift to spread to others, so take a chance and ask yourself, “Why not?”.

Love and Marriage

What is it in the air these days that makes love and marriage enemies? Why are so many families falling apart and left in the ruins of divorce? Now I’m not so naive as to think that all marriage is supposed to be perfect all the time. I know that there are real issues that people face that make marriage impossible, but I find it hard believe that over a million marriages today have no choice but to end in the ruins of divorce.
One hundred years ago marriage started in your early teens and divorce was something almost unheard of. Back then people faced stresses and a life harder than we could imagine yet they made it a priority to hold their families together.
"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together." -Robert C. Dodds
I guess by now it’s obvious that I’ve come from a broken home. Between my parents and step parents there are eight failed marriages. I can’t bring myself to understand how so many “loves” can turn into so many heartbreaks. I know that love comes and goes in your dating years, but have you thought that we could be forming a pattern for our lives? That our concept of “move on when things get hard” will eventually be applied to our future relationships, regardless of a vow? We’re setting ourselves up for failure.
It may seem cold hearted, but I’ve learned one thing from the marriages in my family: what not to do. I understand that love isn’t all that a marriage is about, and I accept that with the knowledge that marriage also isn’t always easy. But there comes a point when I have to ask that if love isn’t the foundation of the marriage then why even try? It doesn’t have to be the starry-eyed, Romeo and Juliet kind of love. It can be the comfort and friendship of a shoulder to cry on. But either way if there’s not love at the end of the day, what’s the fighting really worth?
Why have so many people stopped fighting for the relationships they once vowed into? Why are so many people walking away from their families just because things got hard?
I’m not saying that divorce is wrong, and like I said earlier, at times it’s needed, but why do so many people take their vows so lightly today? Why do they enter into a marriage with the thought that if when the honeymoon phase is over and it’s not really love, they can always get out?

You know, so many people spend their lives looking for love. But rarely do they fight to keep it.
Looking at my parents marriages I’ve vowed to myself that I wasn’t going to end up like that. My earliest memories are of my parents fighting. And all I hear from their marriages now is more fighting. But they never try to work through the problems to real issues behind them. My dad is the kind of person who doesn’t show emotion, perhaps from the thought that it’s weakness, but instead of facing any problem he would rather just pretend it’s not there. Does he see the way his approach is only allowing more hatred and emotion to fester within the real problem to explode and tear his marriage apart? And my mother, she's "married" to a man who loves her more than life itself, but she’s bitter. She’s the kind of woman who has to have assurance that she is in control. She fights and argues about little things to avoid the real pain she feels. She pushes away those who love her, hurts those who love her the most. Perhaps it’s her way of saving herself the pain…? In both cases all I see is a mess of emotions and problems. I’ve learned the ways to NOT confront a problem in a marriage.


I’m young, but even so I’ve always tried to approach my relationships with an understanding that this person is different from me. There will be problems. There will be fights. But I’ve always been the person to fight for the person I love, weather it be a boyfriend or a best friend. I am not immune to divorce but I believe I’ve trained myself differently when approaching a problem. I’ve instilled patterns within myself that I can apply to my future and maintain the bond and love I will find.

I hope that if your marriage is falling apart you’ll at least consider fighting to keep it. Try to find the underlying problems and work through them together. Love and marriage may be hard, but I believe with all my heart that it’s worth it.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you in this world. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil."

A Call

As Christians we are called to be disciples of the nations and bring people to the cross. So why then do so many Christians shy away from telling non-Christians about the relationship they cherish most in their lives? Because it’s hard. I know just as well as anyone that sharing your experiences and life as a Christian to a non-believer is scary because the thought of rejection is always looming in the back of your mind. But we’re not called to sit by idly and watch the secular world fall apart when we could so easily be used by God to be part of the solution.
It’s intimidating and awkward to walk up to people you don’t know and start spouting things out like a lunatic about this God we know so intimately and they just have to come to God or their going to hell. Let me say right now that we as people have no place to say who’s going to hell or not. We shouldn’t be spewing curses when we’re called to love and speak blessing over the lives of all people, weather they be our enemies or our best friends. Now I’m not saying that it’s not important to warn people about hell, because I believe that every person should have an understanding of what hell is—but we should never tell people that’s where they’ll end up because we have no idea what works God could do in the remainder of their lives. I was told before I was a Christian that I was going to rot in hell because of the saturation of sin in my life—and here I am living life for God to the best of my ability. The people who said that to me had no way of knowing where I would be right now, but they also had no right to assume. Perhaps if they’d taken the approach of loving me despite my sin and talking to me about God without an attitude that they were somehow better than I was perhaps I would’ve listened instead of sinking further in sin out of spite for the people who cursed me. I think too many Christians are too quick to throw the Bible at someone instead of reading it more and taking in the message of love it teaches us all.

Sharing your faith is hard because for a moment you’re vulnerable to the fact that you have to admit that you’ve messed up. Too many people take the wrong approach and come off with a domineer that tells the other person that you think you’re better than them and they will automatically shut down. But if you share the shameful details of your past and give a real testimony to the greatness of Gods grace and mercy then perhaps we could start a revolution and see lives changed. I’ve read a book several times now called God.Net, by James Landteaux, who I think makes a very valid point in a chapter titled: One Transparent Son when he discusses the way Jesus lived his life completely transparent and through the transparency people found truth. When there are no barriers of lies, pride, shame, and self-preservation, there lies purely truth. Don’t be ashamed of the testimony God has given you. You can use your testimony to relate to many people, and when they see the way your life has changed after being in that situation, then perhaps they gain the hope that the same can be done for them.
This also means that we as Christians have to step out of our comfort zones and our pristine little circles and go out into the world to the people who are really hurting. Jesus said we are to be disciples to all the nations and to become fishers of men.

There are several chapters in God.Net that explain how we can become better fishers of men, if you ever get the chance I would recommend it. It’s a great book. A real look inside the life of a Christian who does what he can to listen to God’s voice but isn’t afraid to admit he gets in God’s way sometimes.

Musings from the Imperfect

I’m infuriated with the way “Christians” treat people who don’t fit into their criteria of acceptability. The word Christian means Christ like. Jesus spent his life with sinners-loving them and reaching out to them while society disowned them.
Matthew 9:12 “When he heard this, Jesus replied, ‘Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.’”
I’m sick of people acting like the Christian life is all sunshine and cupcakes. They confess that they’ve been saved but won’t say from what. They’ll tell the nations how God has changed them, but shy away from how they’ve been changed. We as a Christians have had the enemy tattoo a target on our backs. We are attacked, tempted, we fall, we regret…we need to start being real with one another, and with the world.
Stop pretending everything is okay when you’re really falling apart. Stop acting like you’re a cookie cutter Christian who has never, or will ever mess up.

MY CHALLENGE TO YOU IS THIS: DARE TO BE REAL. DARE TO BE HONEST. DARE TO BE OPEN.

If we can’t trust the church to know our pain and our hurt, how can we expect anyone else to? We have to be open and honest with one another and the world. We have to show one another that we are struggling so they can help us. And we have to show the world as an example of what we’re offering.
Churches now are promising a giant genie wrapped in a bow: all you have to do is close your eyes and bow your head and your wish will be granted. We’re promising them a counterfeit God, and many have caught on to the fantasy we’re offering. It’s time we start being real: sharing the real Jesus, and offering the real God. Not a God who fixes everything, but the God who suffers with us holding our hand all the way.

Broken Girl

I love this song so much because I can so closely relate to the girl he's singing about. I've been in the situation of abuse as a child. I was so young that i was greatful for the attention. Only looking back as I got older did I realize what had happened to me. I became broken by all the things I've experienced in life (and i will eventually post my extent of my testimony) but God saved me. On March 14, 2009 He brought me back and I can honestly say that my past has no hold on me now.

God can make all things new.





Ezekiel 36:26 "And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and i will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your heart of stone and give you a new obedient heart."

Science and The Bible

"The creator and God of the universe is the God of science-the author of scientific laws that govern his word."

"Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek not understanding that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand." -Augestine


"Scientific research continues to infold the wonders and mysteries of our universe. Intresting, there is one book that has anticipated many of these scientific facts. That book is the Bible."

Evolution Vs. Creationism

Charles Darwin (left) developed the theory of evolution after spending time in the Galapagos Islands with an array of interesting animals. But he, himself admitted his theory was merely speculation without scientific proof.

“Proof” breakdown:
-The “fact” that we have 98% identical DNA with monkeys is in fact a lie. We don’t even have 98% identical DNA with our parents. Therefore how can we be more closely related to our “primate ancestors” than the people who we directly descend from?

-Nebraska Man: Harold Cook found a tooth in Nebraska he believed to be halfway between a human tooth and a monkey tooth. He believed he’d found the missing link in the evolution theory. Later it was discovered the tooth was merely a pig’s tooth.

-Piltdown Man: The Piltdown Man was a deliberate hoax by two people who took a human skull and molded it together with an ape’s jaw bone. They filed and sculpted the two together and made a cast making it virtually impossible to tell that it was a fake. It fooled scientists for 50 years but was ultimately discovered as a fake.

-Neanderthal Man is simply a man deformed from old age and arthritis, explaining why his back was bent over.

-Java Man: Java Man was concocted when Eugène Dubois found an ape-like skull fragment, and some 50feet away a human leg bone. From these remains he developed a computer generated model that filled in the evolution chart. Although on his death bed he admitted that he had also found two human skulls at the site, therefore providing evidence the specimen he’d created never existed. Yet Java Man is still falsely presented on the evolution chart.

-*Lucy* : Lucy (right) is the one critical piece of the evolution theory that is severely significant. Lucy is a 40%complete skeleton of what “humans” were supposed to look like, in that stage of evolving, estimated to have lived 35 million years ago. She was said to have had a chimp-sized brain, and stood 3ft, 7ins. The only bones discovered resembling human bones is her hips and knee joints giving hints to her erect posture(although this remains highly controversial.) Charles Oxner studied Lucy in great detail for 16years. Recreating computer models and studying scans, etc. Oxner made a statement saying Lucy is NOT the missing link in evolution, simply an unusual monkey.

-Due to mitochondrial DNA scientists have successfully traced every female back to one common mother. And has furthered their research isolating the y-chromosome in males to trace every male back to a common father. This provides a truth to the Bible’s account of Adam and Eve.

-In the Scopes Monkey Trial, 1925, the evolutionist lost and Mr. Scopes was convicted. Yet the media twisted the story to make it seem the creationist was lacking the education to prove anything.

-Archaeopteryx is always brought up in trying to prove the theory of evolution. Archaeopteryx is the theory that birds evolved from reptiles. This theory was developed after a fossil was discovered in southern Germany seemingly in the middle stage of evolving from a reptile to a bird. The theory, however, became increasingly unstable when a fossil of a fully-developed bird was discovered that is 75million years older than when archaeopteryx was supposed to have happened. (Giving a truth to Genesis 1:21 “So God created great sea creatures and every sort of fish and every kind of bird.”)

Again and again the theory of evolution has been proven wrong. Ask yourselves why then you so easily accept a theory that provides no proof, yet the belief that perhaps the history in the Bible is indeed accurate is nothing more than a desperate persons need to believe in something more than their meek existence on earth? Ask yourselves why a Bible account that has never been disproven is banned in schools, yet a theory that has been proven false repeatedly is still taught to our children?

Everything(wait for the bridge it's the best part)

Back in 2006 I went to my first Winterfest in Knoxville, TN and saw this drama live. It made such an impact on me that I've never forgotten it. Back then I was in the middle of a lot of sin (as you will see the girl in the drama also is) and like her I had to fight my way out. But the battle was more than worth it. :)
This video is so powerful that after all the times I've seen it, I still cry during the bridge...

theNorthGate:Dayton Street Ministries

Dayton, Ohio

Dayton Street Ministries:
I was more than a little nervous about what to expect when it came to volunteering to feed the homeless. I was scared of the things I’d see, the people I’d meet, and most of all being separated from the people I knew and felt safe with; because the only way I’d ever known a homeless person was through a television screen. I didn’t know what to expect, how to react, or even how to communicate with someone whose life was so completely different from my own. But what I did experience was something I’ll not soon forget.
When I’d first heard of the ministry I pictured the Hollywood version of feeding the homeless: a buffet counter where we prepared meals for them to pick up at the end…but this ministry was nothing like that. I found out we would be splitting up into several groups to hike around the city with a backpack full of water and clothes, and paper bags of food in our hands. We were abandoning the safety of our nets and entering into their world.

My particular group decided to visit a homeless camp under the train tracks first. Upon entering into the camp I was amazed at what I saw: tents, broken glass, and books lying on almost every touchable surface. Each person who lived there had their own space to do with what they pleased and a common area with a fire pit and a tattered couch covered in a thin sheet to hide its many holes. Each tent had its own area filled with random objects belonging to the owners; small piles of worn out clothing and shoes, each seeming to have an invisible barrier to protect it from the other piles around it. I was astonished when I overheard a story of a father giving his daughter a tent to set up in the camp but wouldn’t offer her a place in his home. I'm blessed with a family that makes such a thing seem unreal to me.

There was only a single person in the camp while we were there; a seemingly normal guy, Keith. Danny, our group leader, had shared Keith’s story with us: he was an alcoholic who, when drinking, flew into an unstoppable rage that had made him ultimately give up on trying to make things good in his life. When we offered Keith a corndog he accepted graciously along with a prayer. But when we told him we would have to wait to give him a shirt, because we currently didn’t have one in his size, you could see the disappointment in his eyes, and hear it behind his words when he offered simply, “That’s okay.”
Leaving the camp I was surprised to realize that Hollywood had done nothing but dramatize the look and actions of these people who had fallen on such hard times. Seeing Keith on any street I wouldn’t have thought twice about the situation he was in, living on the city streets and eating what was offered to him once a week by a ministry who’s vowed to make their needs known.
Continuing to walk we passed the Dragons (baseball) stadium where we saw several more people who lived in the camp. I met a guy there, Jack, who was filthy from his days on the street. His once white tank top had been turned to the color of red dirt. He filled with warmth when we offered him the meal we carried and the shirt from our pack. I was so blessed when he asked to give us all a hug. I was overwhelmed with the a sadness for all the things in life I’d taken advantage of when with one decision God could strip me of all I know and I could be the woman who was standing beside him.
We met several others along the way, learning their stories and creating small talk to get to know them.
Bruce was one story that stuck with me personally because it’s one that could happen to anyone. He had fallen ill and had to have surgery and was unable to work for several weeks. His work had then fired him because he was no longer of use to them if they couldn’t benefit from his place on their payroll. Without the pay from his job he couldn’t afford to pay all of his bills and consequently lost everything, landing him in the very camp I’d just visited. But like Keith, looking at him I would never know.

The entire night was a learning experience for me personally. I learned not to judge people, you never know their situation. That was a lesson I’d been taught over and over again before…but being apart of that ministry, even if only for a night, shed new light on exactly what people may be living that we may never expect. It taught me to serve. Also a lesson as a Christian that I’d learned previously, but I was shown the fulfillment you can get from serving others, even if it's a simple corndog and bottle of water. I learned not to take for granted all that I have and all that God has blessed me so graciously with, because in a blink of an eye he can take it away. And finally, I learned that you are not above anyone! I realized that at any point in my life that could be me jumping at the chance to eat a corndog from a stranger. I could end up in any situation with any need, at any time, and I will thank God for everything He’s given me. 

Book Review: SOUL CRAVINGS

Soul Cravings by: Erwin Raphael McManus


I picked up Soul Cravings in a small christian bookstore when i was in TN with my youth group. It was a small book, cheaply priced, and barely noticable among the piles of books stacked in mountains atop the shelves in the store. For some reason this little book caught my attention, and i'm glad it did.


Soul Cravings is an intimate look within the human mind at the evidence that lies within everyone of the very real God we sometimes have a hard time accepting. He tells you in the beginning to take the book in peices. To read through it anyway you please, reguardless of the order it is arranged. i was dumbfounded by the points he makes while trying to explain God. For instance, a story seemingly random about a group of baby ducks taught me a lesson about God's love i'd never been able to fully comprehend, and although i never will i am a step closer now looking at it in a new light.

I highly recommend this book if you're willing to look at things in a new perspective and a willingness to listen to the very good points he makes throughout this book.

I was so intreiged i had to start from the beginning with a highlighter in hand.

TIME

Time is the one thing that is always changing. you can't stop it, speed it up, destroy it, or create it. it is what it is and always will be.
i just finished watching my camp video from last summer and it's odd to see how different everything is now. change is something i've always tried to avoid bc with it comes the oppertunity for something worse than what you already had, but change is not something you can run and hide from. no matter where you are, who you are, or what situation you're in: change will happen no matter what.
that summer was the best of my life, but while i was living it i didn't see that. i was caught up in all the things that seemed so important at the time that i didnt put forth the extra effort to get to truly know the people who i'd met. so many wonderful people that i hope will always be friends to me. but that summer was simple. it was easy. i was happy and stress-free. now i'm swollowed by worries and questions, emotions and regrets. i can't help but ask myself, Why? why can't life be like it was last summer?
the answer: because there is a time for everything and this is my time to go through what i am. last sumer was my time to live last summer.
it's strange to think about how looking back everything will look so different as we grow, learn, and mature. but if you think things are bad remember that change will always find you and you'll understand one day why you're facing what you are. if your life is good dont forget to spend time loving the people you love, getting to know the friends you've made, and appriciating the life youre living RIGHT NOW.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."

The Past Vs. The Present

i personally have experienced some difficulty lately in staying close to God the way i had been in previous months. i've been stuggling because everytime i sit to talk to God or to spend time in devotion i always find my mind turning to memories from last year, because of this i'd stopped spending so much time in devotion and prayer and instead filled my life with distractions. i only recently allowed myself to admit that it was creating a gap between me and the God i'd, only last year, felt so close to. so today i woke up determined to spend more time with him than i have been and refocusing my life on the relationship i'd allowed to suffer because of the problems with another relationshp in my life.

"One thing i do; forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. i press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 13-14

i've come to understand how wrong it is to let other relationships in your life affect the one with your creator. i'd always known deep down the distance it was creating, but instead of facing the pain of letting it go, i chose to ignore it. well i am taking the initutive to choose to admit my mistake and try everything i can to fix it. i will no longer turn from God because of the other broken relationships in my life but choose rather to strengthen my relationship with him so i dont lean so much on those of this world that never truly had a sturdy foundation anyway.

i realize that i've grabbed ahold of something i'd sworn i had gotten rid of, this time i will work harder to not pick up the strings that have already been severed.

Excerpt from "When Dreams Come True"

Leslie Ludy is one of the people i look up to the most in the world and i've read several of her books. i was going through some papers and i found my favorite quote from her book "When Dreams Come True" and felt i would share it with you.

"A letter represents something far more than a kiss ever could. it evidences thoughtfulness and the gift of time. While a kiss can prove tender, it must overcome the stigma of impulsivness to truly display love. A letter on the other hand, when written in the spirit of ardor and romance--even if it never mentions passion--strokes the heart deeper than any form of physical touch. A kiss cannot be felt again and again from great distance; but a letter can be read and reread thousands of times. A kiss only fimiliarizes the lips with the physical body of a lover. A letter farmiliarizes the heart, mind, and soul. Maybe that's why God decided to write us a letter."

i read this "When dreams come true" years ago and have still hung onto this quote. it seems to touch me everytime i read it.
i hope you found the comfort and inspiration that i did in it:)